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Sometimes I wonder what would my life be like if I lived it the way I think. Surely messed up and lonely.
Noticing that the only person who will always love you, no matter what, is your mom and wonder why she loves you makes me shiver. The worst part is that I'm not even trying to make her love me. Her love is just there, immortal. It doesn't really bother me, I'm just curious. Now don't tell me about that mother intuition crap.
Anyway, I'm not trying to be loved by people. I am simply loved by some people. I just wonder why. What makes them love me? Why me? and why does it last ?
Life is short, you get one chance, one shot. When you die, you don't get to see the "Game Over" sign with a restart option under it. So live, do, say. Well, mostly do. Acting is way more important than saying, but yeah...
It's Christmas. I'm not a believer. I consider this day as any other day of the year, just another day. Nothing so special about it. But I have to play the happy guy and wish everyone happy holidays. I also have to force myself to buy gifts for my family. Speaking of which, I suck at buying gifts. I can never figure out what to buy, worse, I can't even get the thought of buying gifts for people. I mostly force myself because I know I will get gifts and that I need to give back something in return. Hard part is finding something. I never know what to buy, I never know, nor notice what people like just to get a slice idea of what to get them. I guess they got used to that. I don't understand why they make such a big deal out of it. Anyway, this is starting to seem like some kind of rebellion from a teenager half gothic half emo.
I can't discribe myself because I don't know who I am and never will.
This isn't some writing where I ask for help or wonder about life. This is just a blog where I waste my time writing some text, some useless and meaningless thoughts that I will surely forget or reject tomorrow.
The only thing I need in my life besides eating, drinking and sleeping is you. Yes you. I can live by my own, I manage myself very well. No complaints here. But having you around changes everything. It's a new life. It's a life worth living. You feel like you're not wasting anything, like every minute is worthy. You don't even feel time passing by.
This post is kind of a melting pot. I'm just throwing ideas randomly.
Let's talk about love.
I can't seem to love someone. Not easily as normal people at least. That's if we can agree on the meaning of normal. The only girl I really loved had a boyfriend and I messed it up so bad I could just die right now. The other girl is also taken, no mess up, yet, but at least I got some kind of friendship. Who cares anyway. Life is boring without you. Family reunions are boring, especially when they come from a different educational background. Everything they say is worthless, meaningless and boring. I'm here, sitting around the table, with them, eating. Everyone is happy and exciting, talking about this and that. Some idiotic subject, non-sens conversations, useless argumentations. I'm here, watching, trying not to listen to this crap and wondering what I am doing here or saying inside me with that Homer voice "boring". There's also this little voice that says, well, it's your family, you have to stay, to endure them. They love you, no matter what. They want you here, with them, at this moment. All I think about is my bed. Sleep is good but also a waste of time. Heck Life itself is a paradox. Let's go back to love. Everyone is happy when they open their gifts, heart beat is high, eyes wide open, big smile. How exciting. The best part is to look at the face of the other person who actually bought the gift. Waiting for some kind of admiration and a thank you or a hug. I'm here sitting next to them and still wondering what I am doing here. And yet, I have been asking myself this question every year since 2006. That's the year when my life actually started. Everything older is just bogus. Rejected. Ignored. Forgotten.
Noticing that the only person who will always love you, no matter what, is your mom and wonder why she loves you makes me shiver. The worst part is that I'm not even trying to make her love me. Her love is just there, immortal. It doesn't really bother me, I'm just curious. Now don't tell me about that mother intuition crap.
Anyway, I'm not trying to be loved by people. I am simply loved by some people. I just wonder why. What makes them love me? Why me? and why does it last ?
Life is short, you get one chance, one shot. When you die, you don't get to see the "Game Over" sign with a restart option under it. So live, do, say. Well, mostly do. Acting is way more important than saying, but yeah...
It's Christmas. I'm not a believer. I consider this day as any other day of the year, just another day. Nothing so special about it. But I have to play the happy guy and wish everyone happy holidays. I also have to force myself to buy gifts for my family. Speaking of which, I suck at buying gifts. I can never figure out what to buy, worse, I can't even get the thought of buying gifts for people. I mostly force myself because I know I will get gifts and that I need to give back something in return. Hard part is finding something. I never know what to buy, I never know, nor notice what people like just to get a slice idea of what to get them. I guess they got used to that. I don't understand why they make such a big deal out of it. Anyway, this is starting to seem like some kind of rebellion from a teenager half gothic half emo.
I can't discribe myself because I don't know who I am and never will.
This isn't some writing where I ask for help or wonder about life. This is just a blog where I waste my time writing some text, some useless and meaningless thoughts that I will surely forget or reject tomorrow.
The only thing I need in my life besides eating, drinking and sleeping is you. Yes you. I can live by my own, I manage myself very well. No complaints here. But having you around changes everything. It's a new life. It's a life worth living. You feel like you're not wasting anything, like every minute is worthy. You don't even feel time passing by.
This post is kind of a melting pot. I'm just throwing ideas randomly.
Let's talk about love.
I can't seem to love someone. Not easily as normal people at least. That's if we can agree on the meaning of normal. The only girl I really loved had a boyfriend and I messed it up so bad I could just die right now. The other girl is also taken, no mess up, yet, but at least I got some kind of friendship. Who cares anyway. Life is boring without you. Family reunions are boring, especially when they come from a different educational background. Everything they say is worthless, meaningless and boring. I'm here, sitting around the table, with them, eating. Everyone is happy and exciting, talking about this and that. Some idiotic subject, non-sens conversations, useless argumentations. I'm here, watching, trying not to listen to this crap and wondering what I am doing here or saying inside me with that Homer voice "boring". There's also this little voice that says, well, it's your family, you have to stay, to endure them. They love you, no matter what. They want you here, with them, at this moment. All I think about is my bed. Sleep is good but also a waste of time. Heck Life itself is a paradox. Let's go back to love. Everyone is happy when they open their gifts, heart beat is high, eyes wide open, big smile. How exciting. The best part is to look at the face of the other person who actually bought the gift. Waiting for some kind of admiration and a thank you or a hug. I'm here sitting next to them and still wondering what I am doing here. And yet, I have been asking myself this question every year since 2006. That's the year when my life actually started. Everything older is just bogus. Rejected. Ignored. Forgotten.
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